The most wonderful time of year is filled with joy and celebration—for most of us. However, I’ve had many holidays where I experienced the exact opposite set of emotions. There have been countless holidays we’ve either been in the hospital, Callie has been recovering at home from a surgery, or we’ve been worried about how to pay for medical expenses and still find the funds for Christmas presents.
If you are someone who is dealing with grief, loss, challenging family dynamics, heartbreak, or even spending the holidays alone, it can be a harsh reminder of what you’re missing. As isolating as it might feel to be surrounded by people who are in a cheery mood (both online and in person), you are not alone if you’re struggling (the holiday blues can start to creep in as early as November 1 for a lot of people). But rest assured, it is still possible to enjoy the holiday season with the help of these six coping strategies:
Don’t compare yourself to others
Comparing yourself to others is never a good idea—online or in real life. I remember sitting in the NICU after Callie was born desperately wishing to be at home like all of the other parents with their babies. I saw post after post of little babies nestled up in Santa onesies, doing first pictures with Santa, and gathered with families around the Christmas tree. Our teeny room in the NICU had a tiny Charlie Brown Christmas tree propped up int eh corner–we were on an entirely different journey than those people. And although we would soon find ourselves at home for Christmas, I still remember comparing our very real life to the glossy images on social media. It was a good reminder that comparison is the thief of joy, so making a conscious effort to avoid the comparison game this season will go a long way. If you find yourself feeling sad or envious that you don’t have what others have this season (whether that’s extra money to spend on lavish gifts, a big family to spend the holidays with, or a significant other to take mistletoe pictures with), take a step back for a few days. This could look like not attending a party where all of your friends will be with their significant others or simply logging off of social media for a few days.
Start a new tradition
Traditions don’t have to be decades old; in fact, some of the best traditions are ones that you can start any time you want! And what better time than the holidays to do so. Between choosing a new tradition, planning it, and involving others (friends or family!), you can have a lot of fun—and distract yourself from any sadness you may be feeling about other parts of your life. There are countless new traditions that you can start with family members, friends, your significant other, or even solo. Some of our favorites include starting a holiday movie day (We normally do “Home Alone Day” where we watch the movie, order cheese pizza and drink Diet Pepsi), listen to Christmas music and drive around looking at the beautiful Christmas lights, going to Zoo Lights at our local zoo, and doing a cookie exchange party with our friends.
Give back
Studies show that giving back can boost your physical and mental health, and during the holidays–there are so many volunteering opportunities that you can get involved with. Some of our favorite things to do to give back are volunteering at a local soup kitchen, adopting families through the Salvation Army, donating to a food bank, volunteering at an animal shelter, participating in a Giving Tree, and donating warm clothing to a women’s shelter. Choose whichever community project or organization that feels closest to your heart, and set a goal on how you can make a difference in other people’s lives through volunteering. Bonus points if you make this your “new” tradition every year too!
Plan something to look forward to
If the only thing you’re counting down to is when the holidays end, consider this your sign to plan something way more exciting than that to look forward to! Whether you want to plan something during the holiday season or after (or both!) is up to you, but having something to be excited about either way will boost your spirits. We did a cruise one year for Thanksgiving when tensions were high with a toxic family member (read about it here) and had an absolute blast–just our little family on the boat creating memories! Book a staycation, a spa day, a race weekend in a great destination city, or even a cooking class. Mixing up your routine and giving your life a little plot twist can help improve your mood during the holidays.
Set boundaries
Setting boundaries can help you manage any further sadness and stress this holiday season. To do this, start by identifying your needs and/or any triggers you anticipate, and create a plan to have boundaries around them to protect your peace. For example, if you recently went through a crushing breakup and don’t want to get into the details with anyone or think about it at all (I don’t blame you!), make sure you let the people in your life know ahead of time that you will not be discussing it—especially during this season. Decide what your boundaries need to be, and communicate them clearly to prevent any seasonal sadness.
I’m definitely not a therapist but I know that a support system is crucial no matter what time of year it is–but it is especially beneficial when you are feeling down. Make sure you have someone you feel comfortable talking to whether they are a family member, your best friend, or a mental health professional, and rely on them throughout the season. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing with those closest to you, consider joining an online support group.