Back in my 20s and 30s, there was only one goal when it came to fitness: be skinny.
Do the hardest workout with the highest likelihood of getting defined abs.
Did this approach work well for me? Nope. Absolutely not. Now that I’m in my early 40s with so many other priorities ranking above “being skinny,” I can see that much more clearly now.
It’s certainly not perfect, and some days, I do dream of my old size 4 jeans (or at the very least, a stomach with fewer stretch marks and scars), but I have come a long way from where I was before.
So how has my approach changed? Here are just a few of the ways I’ve refocused how fitness and wellness play a role in my life.
Working out is still important to me, but it’s for a completely different reason now
There is no debating that being physically active is an important part of a heathy lifestyle, but this is just one piece to the overall puzzle. In my 20s, I thought working out for hours and eating the least amount of food would be the quickest way to get into a size 2 jeans. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Being healthy is a much bigger picture, and while an intense daily workout may result in a smaller waist, it’s not going to result in a happier person. Reaching aesthetic goals and reaching happiness goals rarely go hand-in-hand. While in my younger years I may have associated ultimate happiness with a six pack abs, over time and after developing an eating disorder, I came to learn that this wasn’t the case.
The thinner I was did not translate to increased happiness.
I’ve learned this over the years as my weight has greatly fluctuated, especially after having my daughter, overcoming an eating disorder, and being pre-menopausal, and my workout regime has drastically changed too (think more free weights and low cortisol workouts). I now workout for longevity. For energy. For my mental health.
Not to fit into a pair of jeans.
Comparison is hard to shake, but I’m working on it
My 20s felt like everything was about comparison. Living a full social life, starting in our careers and the way we looked were big focuses, and it felt very important to keep up a certain appearance. To amplify this further, I worked in a higher end health club during my early 20s–where everyone was judging each other on how they looked.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized most people are too self absorbed in their own busy lives to worry or even care about the weight of other people around them. And frankly, if people do care about what you look like, that probably says a lot about them.
I will admit that I still struggle with this one from time to time. I do still find myself wondering if people think I’ve put on weight, or wonder if I’m not as thin as I “used” to be but if people are judging, let them judge. Other people’s opinions about me are none of my business. The most important thing is how I feel about myself, not how others feel about me.
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When I look back at my 20s, I’m not shocked that I had loads of time to devote to working out, meal prepping or group fitness classes. I loved doing those things and they were a major part of my social life. I had all the free time in the world in my 20s. Now in my 40s, married with a daughter, a fast paced career in the medical industry, and an author, there’s no question as to why fitness isn’t the number one focus of my life. It has always felt like a major part of who I am, and at times, that part of my identity has taken a back seat.
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One part of me misses the absolute dedication and devotion I had to fitness, and the other part of me acknowledges that I’ve managed to find a way to still incorporate it into my very busy life. I’d love to take a weekly Pilates class or dedicate hours to running that marathon I’m always thinking about, and I sincerely hope and expect that will happen again in the future. But right now, it’s not my priority.
“One part of me misses the dedication and devotion I had to fitness, and the other part of me acknowledges that I’ve managed to find a way to still incorporate it into my very busy life.”
Yes, many women certainly fit in these activities, but I don’t. I make a point to move my body for 30 minutes a day and lead a healthy lifestyle–but fitness is no longer my life. It also doesn’t mean that I won’t do these things again in the future. I’ve learned that there are certain times when we are going to put more focus on certain aspects of our lives. For me, sometimes that will be fitness and wellness and other times that will be writing my book or launching a product at work. And that’s OK. I can still love fitness and be healthy, even if I don’t have the energy to devote everything to it at the moment.
Good for her, not for me
When you’re comparing yourself to other people, it’s fine to see things that others are doing and be content about not doing them yourself. I’m fairly competitive, so in my 20s, when I saw others signing up for endurance challenges, waking up at 6 a.m. for a workout, or going on a juice cleanse, I obviously signed up for all the challenges, did all the workouts, and finished all the cleanses (gross). Competition is my middle name.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love going on a hot girl hike with my friends or having a gym buddy, but I’ve learned that I can make fitness decisions for myself based on what I like to do. Just because I see another mama doing CrossFit or running weekly 5ks doesn’t mean I need to as well. At times, I wonder how one mom has the time to train for a triathlon when I can barely find time to get myself in the shower some days. I always remind myself that everyone’s situation is different, everyone’s priorities are different, and I need to focus on what’s working for me and our family right now.
What that looks like in my life right now is going to the gym 4-5 days a week to lift weights, hitting 10k steps a day (walks with Jack help me hit this goal) and generally just trying to move my body more.
Wellness is about so much more than appearances
If I tried to define wellness in my 20s, weighing 110lbs, a 6 pack, and having a toned body likely would have been the answer.
Now, I’d give you a much different answer. Wellness isn’t about looks, it’s about how I FEEL. Wellness is about feeling good in my body; it’s about doing workouts that I like, getting enough sleep (or at least trying to), taking my supplements, balancing my hormones, protecting my mental health, staying hydrated, moving my body, and also enjoying a burger with my daughter—guilt-free. It’s modeling a healthy relationship with food and the gym for her. Health and wellness are not just about defined abs. It’s a much bigger picture. It’s changing the old mindset that “everything goes downhill after 40.” If anything, I’m healthier, stronger, and HAPPIER in my 40s than I ever was in my 20s. I’m constantly challenging that stereotype that your health just goes to s*** at a certain age–if anything, I refuse to believe. I’m in the process of creating a life long relationship with health and fitness–not trying to crash diet to fit into a dress for a wedding.
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As I’m in my 40s, I’m still uncovering that full picture; and I love that it’s still evolving. My approach in this decade feels more balanced and healthy—perhaps with a much softer tummy, but also with much more grace to meet myself where I am.
