Now, let’s jump in for three of the easiest tips for raising your kids to be inclusive of their disabled peers:

1. Bring disability representation into your home.

This is key. When people ask me what my number one tip is, it’s this one.  This is hands down the most powerful thing you can do as a parent to create a disability inclusive child.

Bringing disability representation into your home looks like buying (or checking out!) children’s books that feature disabled characters, include TV shows with disabled characters in your kids screen time, and you can even make a point of shopping at stores that are inclusive in their advertising (we love Target and Kohls for this reason specifically).

How does reading a children’s book featuring a child with disabilities help create inclusive kids?  How does playing with a toy that represents limb difference or Downs Syndrome help create inclusive kids?

Because REPRESENTATION MATTERS.

When children have even a little bit of knowledge and a small point of reference for disability, it can make such a BIG difference.  Books, TV shows, and even toys are excellent tools to navigate these conversations about real life differences.

We are amazed when kids approach Callie and talk about her limb difference, especially when they use the right terminology like limb difference and amputation.  In situations like those, it’s very apparent to both of us that the parents have either invested time discussing disabilities with their children, have read books about disabilities with their kids, or have personal experience with disability.

2) Talk to your kids about Disability.

The reason I have “bring disability representation into your home” as my #1 tip, is that it’s A LOT easier to talk to your kids about disability when you have a reference point to start with. I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten messages from parents that were thrilled to have a book I recommended as a conversation starter for their kids……and that’s the point!

So here’s my second tip.  Talk to your kids about disabilities.  If you have any sort of back-to-school talk with your kids or if you tend to bring up important topics during the school commute (they are captive audiences at this time) you can bring up disability during these times as well. For really young kids, a great way to start this discussion is to talk about common differences like eye color, hair color, height and of course skin color.  Point out that everyone is born just a little differently. Next, you can bring in some slightly bigger differences like asking if they know of anyone who wears glasses (maybe they do!), or maybe you have a neighbor who uses a walker or if they know any kids at school who use a wheelchair, or need extra help.

Then, and this is key, you just call it what it is–a disability. For kids I tend to explain it as your body (or mind) works differently from how most other people’s work. Having a disability isn’t bad, sad, wrong or strange, it’s just different. We often say, “Callie had a limb difference when she was born” or “This is Callie’s prosthetic leg.  It helps her move around the world just like your leg does”. We find that using that language instead of calling her leg a “robot leg” or another cutesy name is a lot easier (and most times more respectful) for Callie.

Another idea is to show them pictures of individuals (here’s where books are so helpful!) who might look a little different than they look and talk about some of these differences together. I promise you, questions will come up and that’s amazing.  You can show them Callie who has a limb difference,  Samantha who has Downs Syndrome, Tony who is blind, Spencer who has Cerebral Palsy and so many more. I think it’s really great to show kids all the things a different body can do.  The more exposure and conversations you have around disabilities will teach your children just how rich, vibrant, and colorful the disability community can be.

One final thought…..it’s also important that we don’t play into the victim stereotype of disability. People with disabilities are just regular people and accomplish a lot of things that regular people do. You could show your kids that children with Down syndrome go to college, become models/actors, and that people without arms/legs can fly planes, teach school, and work in an office. The point is we all have individual strengths and weaknesses, and people with disabilities are no different.  Finding ways to show common ground is a great way to cultivate an inclusive mindset for kids.

3) Encourage genuine friendships.

Cultivating an actual friendship is much more than just waving hi and “helping” a child with a disability at recess or even choosing to sit by them at lunch occasionally. Kids with disabilities are just kids–they are just as multifaceted as any person and deserve real, loving, deep, messy, funny, relationships. I love when kids are kind to Callie, but even more importantly I love that she has made such true friends! None of us want a world where people simply say hi to us, but never invite us over to play, or ask us questions about ourselves, or don’t ask us to join in at recess. Invite our kids to parties even when you’re not sure it’s feasible, set up play dates and create space for real friendship. True inclusion is true friendship.