If you’ve ever been in line at the store or walking through a park when your child loudly asked,
“Why is that person in a wheelchair?”
or
“Why is he talking like that?”
You’re not alone.
And guess what? You didn’t do anything wrong.
Curiosity is normal. Kids are curious…..and they don’t have a filter.
And that’s a good thing.
But how we respond in these moments shapes how our children see disability — with fear and shame, or with respect and openness.
Why These Conversations Matter
Disability is a natural part of human diversity.
But for many kids, it may be the first time they’ve seen a mobility aid, a prosthetic leg, heard someone speak with an AAC device, or noticed stimming behavior.
These are golden opportunity teaching moments — not ones to rush past or silence.
When we respond with honesty and compassion, we’re:
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Reducing stigma
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Raising inclusive thinkers
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Fostering empathy, not pity
- Making disability a normal part of life–which it is!
What Not to Say
Let’s start with common knee-jerk reactions that may unintentionally cause harm. As a parent, your default might be to resort to one of these phrases because let’s be real, you want them to be quiet quickly:
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“Shh! Don’t ask that!”
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“Don’t be rude.”
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“We don’t talk about that.”
But these responses teach children that disability is taboo, shameful, or something to be ignored. Instead, when we take the time to talk to our kids, we can model curiosity with kindness.
Real-World Scenarios & Gentle Responses
Your child sees someone in a wheelchair and asks, “Why can’t they walk?”
Try saying:
“Some people’s bodies move differently, so they use a wheelchair to get around. Isn’t it great that wheelchairs help people go where they want?”
Your child points and says, “Why is she making those sounds?”
Try saying:
“That’s how she communicates. Everyone expresses themselves in different ways.”
Then later in private:
“Some people are nonverbal and use sounds or tools to share their feelings. That’s just another way to be human.”
Your child sees someone stimming (hand-flapping, rocking, etc.) and asks, “Why are they doing that?”
Try saying:
“That helps their body feel calm or happy. It’s called stimming, and lots of people do it — even if we don’t notice.”
Keep the Tone Neutral and Matter-of-Fact
Your child is watching how you respond as much as what you say. Stay calm, respectful, and neutral.
You might say:
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“Everyone’s different — and that’s beautiful.”
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“That’s just how their body or brain works. It’s not better or worse than yours.”
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“Let’s smile and be kind, just like we would to anyone else.”
Talk More Later
You don’t need to explain everything in the moment — especially if it’s not appropriate to do so in front of someone. In the corporate world, we call it circling back (shout out to my corporate girlies), and as a parent I can’t stress this one enough.
After the experience, follow up when you’re alone:
Try asking:
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“What did you notice today?”
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“How did you feel when you saw someone using that device?”
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“What questions do you have?”
These conversations build the foundation for empathy and understanding.
Use Books and Media to Support the Conversation
Sometimes, stories and pictures explain things better than we can.
Here are a few great resources:
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“Just Ask!” by Sonia Sotomayor
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“All the Way to the Top” by Annette Bay Pimentel
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“We Move Together” by Kelly Fritsch and Anne McGuire
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TV shows like Daniel Tiger, Sesame Street, and Pablo also feature disabled characters respectfully.
Final Thoughts: Curiosity Is a Gift — Let’s Guide It Gently
When your child asks about a disabled person in public, it’s not something to be embarrassed about. It’s a beautiful opportunity to plant seeds of empathy, inclusion, and respect.
So next time those big, curious eyes look up at you, take a breath and remember:
You’re not just answering a question — you’re shaping a kinder future.