Ways I’m Learning to Listen to My Intuition

When was the last time you truly listened to yourself when making decisions?

It may seem like a silly question, but you’re not alone if sometimes things feel so hectic, loud, and out of control that you can barely hear yourself think. And if you’ve made some decisions lately that you later felt unsure or lousy about? Well, that’s normal too.

I feel like (especially lately) that it’s hard to listen to ourselves when it seems like the opinions of loved ones, our partners or even strangers on the internet are so dang loud. And not only loud but extra loud if you want to do something that’s considered against the grain and opposite of the crowd.

But what if we lean into intuitive living this year? That is, learning to live guided by your intuition? Your inner spirit guide, your gut, your inner knowing, whatever you want to call it. Separate from fear, it’s the small voice that truly sounds like you instead of opinions from family, friends or society. Its sole purpose is to make sure you’re living in a way that feels true to you–from the way you think, how you want to show up in the world, how you want to raise those babies, how you want to show up in your relationship, to how you view your body.

Here’s some ways I’m leaning into my intuition this year:

1. Telling my inner critic to shut the hell up

My inner critic is LOUD y’all. She has an opinion on everything. Loves to remind me of all the times I’ve done something dumb, said something dumb, or generally was just dumb and she’s notorious for stirring up doubt in my mind. Her favorite topics include reminding me why I’m not good enough to parent my kid, to how completely out of my league my husband is, to what a complete imposter I am in my job role.

Like I said, Inner Critic Jaime is a real peach.

If you want to quiet that rowdy inner critic, it’s important to learn how to hear and trust your voice. A few ways you can do that:

Speaking with a licensed therapist who can help you get to the root of your inner critic’s voice if you’re unsure of where to start. This has been a game changer for me.
Carving out “me time” and time for quiet reflection. I love doing this on walks.
Journaling your thoughts and asking yourself how you want to feel about whatever your inner critic focuses on the most. How do I want to feel about my marriage? How do I want to feel about motherhood? And with those prompts I just write every thought that comes into my head.
Writing positive affirmations in your voice.

2. Learning to filter out the opinions and emotions of others

This is easier said than done regardless of who you are. I don’t care who you are–we’re bombarded with conflicting messages from just about everywhere, so it’s no wonder everyone feels overwhelmed all the time. But to keep nurturing your intuition, it’s necessary to filter out the opinions and emotions of others. You have to get a to point where your inner voice is on surround sound and you can’t do that if you’re just listening to the opinions of others soundtrack.

Again, because we have immediate access to the entire internet’s opinions, it’s very easy to take on the thoughts and emotions of others. For example, if all you follow are “picture perfect mommy blogger” accounts online, it’s entirely possible that you might think that YOU need to be picture perfect. If all you follow online are accounts that evoke rage, hysterics, and theatrics about whatever item is in the political arena, then YOU might become enraged and full of hysterics about the state of the world.

You can respect that everyone has different opinions. But when you find yourself basing your feelings, opinions, and decisions off other people’s lives, it could be time to pulse check on what you value in your own life. What’s important to you? What 1-3 social causes are the ones that matter to you? What is important in your marriage? Your parenting journey? Your health journey?

By getting to know yourself and understanding what truly is important to you, you will be quick to filter out the opinions of others. I call that “good for her, not for me” mentality. A coworker buys a new expensive car? Great for them, we prefer to be debt free. A friend is always posting pictures of the cheer competitions, tennis camps, bowling tournaments, and student council meetings their daughter is in? Fantastic for her–for our family, we focusing on one activity so we have adequate time for school, rest, and family time works for us.

One of the ways you can create an internal mental and emotional filter is by setting boundaries for yourself and others. If you’re on social media frequently, try taking stock of who you follow. Sometimes the people we think are witty and informative are actually taking a toll on our mental and emotional state. Should you find that you feel drained, anxious, or even riled up every time you see them in your feed, it’s okay to hit the unfollow button.

The same can be applied to your interactions with people in your daily life. Although you can’t necessarily unfollow people IRL (although I definitely think you can if it impacts your mental health), you can change how you interact with them. Have a co-worker who likes to bombard you with office gossip as soon as you come into work, leading to a huge cortisol spike? Create a boundary by letting them know you would like to get settled into work (or at least get a cup of coffee) before you have a conversation with them or by finding ways to steer the conversation away from their office gossip.

3. Listening to my desires and body’s needs

So many times, our body tries to communicate with us, but we don’t always listen. For weeks, I would get headaches around 3PM. Just Monday through Friday, I was completely fine on the weekends. I thought it might be allergies, a reaction to the lighting in the office, or maybe even dehydration. It wasn’t until I changed some of my job duties that I realized it was my body’s response to stress! Another way stress can manifest in your body is when you start to experience burnout. This could look like losing interest in things that normally set your heart on fire, being indecisive, inadvertently shutting down or lashing out at people you love.

I’ve made a point to practice listening to my body, try to take note of how I feel when I’m in a stressful, uncomfortable, or hard situations. I’ve noticed my heart rate speeds up, I find myself clenching my jaw a lot, and I tend to sway from side to side to release nervous energy. These are clues from my body that I’m in a situation I’m not 100% comfortable with.

In other situations, I may also be ignoring my body’s desires. The fear of failure, the need to look like I have everything under control or the feeling of “I can’t possibly rest when there’s so much work to do” are very real, but they always cause me to not listen to the cues my body is giving me when it needs rest.

4. Go with the flow

I think sometimes your intuition just wants you to chill out and go with the flow of things. I fully believe that what is meant for you will find you and I think we get so focused on trying to plan, perfect, and schedule our lives out that we maybe miss out on the hidden gems that are there if we’re just willing to let life happen. That’s a part of allowing yourself to live intuitively; trusting that everything doesn’t always have to be planned in order to be positive or feel great. How do you do that? Maybe start out with one weekend a month–don’t plan anything and just see where it takes you. Maybe you decide to try that little diner down the street that you always have been meaning to try. Maybe you lace up your sneaks and go run a 5k. Maybe you go drive through your dream neighborhood and manifest living there one day. Maybe you stay in bed and get the rest you need, waking up on Monday morning energized and ready to go.

Just chill out.

Do you know what’s so great about learning to trust your intuition? This is a lifelong relationship that you get to grow and nurture over time. There’s no rush or deadline to everything figured out. And as you level up in life (#getolder)—watching your child grow, starting your own business, grappling with loss—your inner voice may change to mirror what you need at any given point in your life. Give yourself permission to ebb and flow–changing and growing over time.

Remember that your kids aren’t the only ones who deserve patience and grace as they get older.

You do too.