Back to School Hacks for Parents of Disabled Kids

It takes work for any parent to successfully prep their kids for heading back to school and starting a new year. But for parents who have children with special needs, the process of transitioning from summer to school can be a little more…….

Complex.

Whether your child is attending a classroom setting for the first time or is a seasoned pro, try these 11 helpful tips to help ensure a smoother transition into the school year:

Tips for back to school

In the weeks leading up to school, try some — or all — of these tips, which will make for an easier experience for your family.

1. Expose them to the classroom early

Most schools have a back-to-school night where parents can meet the teacher and check out the classroom.

If your child needs a more sensory-friendly environment or more time than back-to-school night affords, ask the school if they’d allow just your family to come in and find the new classroom, or if the new teacher will be there, maybe meet them ahead of time. Ask if you can walk “their schedule” if your child will be moving from classroom to classroom for different periods. This helps give them a sense of the space they’ll be in every day before school even starts. We were able to do this with Callie so we could anticipate if she would need an elevator key, how many times a day she’s be transitioning floors in the building, and eventually allowed us to modify her schedule so she wouldn’t have to navigate as far through the day.

If the child can’t physically visit the classroom before school starts, try asking the administration if the teacher can send you some photos of the classroom once it’s set up. Ask to see spaces your child will need to be familiar with, such as a cubby that already has their name on it, a photo of a desk that has their name on it or a picture of the entire classroom setup, including where the restroom is!

For kids who will have a locker, try to request it early and find time for your child to visit the locker when there are no other students present. This way, they can try out their locker and take comfort in knowing they have a spot to put their belongings. They could also take that time to personalize that space with photos or decorations.

2. Establish a relationship with the teacher

If your child is going to have a new teacher this school year, go beyond just meeting them on back-to-school night. I’ve found it helpful to start talking with them as soon as possible to start a relationship and ensure they are fully aware of the nuances of your child’s care.

Have your goals and concerns ready to talk and make sure that your child’s teacher feels confident and supported.

3. Start a morning routine early

All children benefit from getting into a set routine as the school year approaches. But for a child with special needs, you probably need to start a little earlier. When Callie was younger, we tried to start our back to school routine at least two or three weeks before school starts. Doing that gave us time for her (and us!) to get comfortable with it before the big change is going to comes.

Another option is to keep them on their school-time routine as much as possible during the summer, but if it’s not possible, I would just suggest walking them through the routine a few weeks in advance.

Another idea is doing a practice run before the big day–where your child actually gets ready for school, eats breakfast and leaves the house as though it’s a school day. This trial run gives your child an opportunity to smooth out some of those anxious feelings that might accompany the first day of school.

4. Familiarize them with transportation and lunch plans

Once you determine how your child will get to and from school, go over the plan with them beforehand to get them comfortable with it.

If they’ll have a bus routine, go over where they will be picked up from home, dropped at school, picked up from school and dropped back at home. For kids that are car riders, make sure they know where to find their ride home and routine for parent pickup. I think it’s also helpful if you share who will be picking them up each day if you and your partner tag team that duty.

Another thing that we’ve found helpful is going over what they can do if they get to school early and where they can go before the bell rings. This way, they have a place to land when they get to the school and they aren’t worried about “what to do.” Another thing we had to iron out last year was the plan in case Callie missed the bus–where to go and who to call in the event that happened.

I think one of the more stressful parts of the school day for kids is lunchtime in the cafeteria. If your child doesn’t have a designated place to eat lunch, I would suggest you come up with a plan in advance. Look for areas where your child feels safe or comfortable–somewhere they can eat and participate with their peer group. Which leads me to the next item….

5. Establish social support

If you’re worried about your child navigating school, I highly recommend reaching out to other families you know with students at the school — either those with disabilities or without — to see if they would be willing to help welcome your student at the school and assist when needed. You can also check to see if there’s a buddy program at your school that can help your child make connections at their new school.

One thing we did when Callie was in elementary school, was making goodie bags for the class prior to the first day of school.

This little kindness gave me a quick opportunity to explain Callie’s disability and it gave the kids in her class time to ask questions. It removes some of the fear for Callie and the uncertainty for her peers, and it also reduced some of the burden on Callie. She didn’t have to take on explaining why she was special on top of navigating her first day of school.

I think that an early classroom conversation like this can also help quickly establish a support system for when the your child is in an open forum like the cafeteria or playground.

6. Work on school skills at home

Because a child with special needs may come to school without basic skills to help them succeed, it’s important to give them a leg-up(pun intended) by working on structure, discipline and routines before the school year begins.

In addition to waking up and going to bed at a set time, have them practice sitting down to work on an activity for a set period of time, say 15 minutes, and then slowly increasing the amount of time. You could also work on skills such as asking for permission to get up or go to the bathroom, washing hands after the bathroom or taking turns while using shared materials.

7. Talk about emotions

This is huge. Parents need to talk to their children about their feelings because this is a transition period when your child will not see you all day. Your child needs to be reassured that a specific adult will be there to pick them up on time.

If you anticipate the transition to school will be especially difficult on your child, consider trying to gradually get them used to being away from you. I started taking Callie to the gym day care a few days a week for several hours at a time to get her used to being in a different environment and being cared for by someone other than her parents/grandparents.

Check out some books from the library that focus specifically on going to school. I’m a big fan of using books as a conversation starter and you’d be amazed at how important they are in framing conversations for your child.

Going to school and making choices like bus vs. parent pickup or school lunch vs. lunchbox can be overwhelming for both you and your child. Involve your child in the decision-making and talk with them about their feelings to the extent they’re able to help ease both your worries.

8. Keep your language about school positive

As you discuss back-to-school time, aim to stay positive, even if you’re talking to another adult within earshot of your child.

If a friend or neighbor asks about your child going back to school, use it as an opportunity to further acclimate your child. Keep the conversation on your child’s level if they’re able to hear you.

Pull out those pictures of their classroom and say things like, “We’re going to this classroom, so Billy already has everything set up for him. This is the cubby where he puts his things, and this is his desk that’s ready for him. This is the story time mat and this is his sweet teacher, Mrs. Boyd.”

If you have fears or nerves about your child going to school, I would refrain from discussing them when your child is around. They don’t need to hear your worries or your fears–save those for your partner or your friends.

It’s key to keep all language around school very positive and comforting in front of the kid so they don’t get conflicting messages. This can keep them excited and engaged about going to school–and help make the experience and all around positive one for everyone.

Ongoing tips for a positive school year

Once those first few weeks are under your belts, use these tips to keep the positivity going:

9. Remind them to advocate for themselves

We have always provided a positive and strong support system for Callie, and but also have taught her to speak up for herself.

From a very young age, we focused on strong social skills and self-advocacy skills, which have guided her into becoming a strong, beautiful, well spoken and educated young woman. While we assume the teacher will always be watching out for our child, the reality is that the teacher might be in charge of 20 or more children with varying ability levels. This means it’s very important that Callie has the ability to advocate for herself–to ask for help if she needs it, ask for modifications where needed, and ask for thinks to be made more accessible for her.

Callie also knows that if her needs are not being met after she’s advocated for herself, she needs to bring in Mom and Dad to the situation so we can make sure she’s getting what she needs.

10. Get involved

Parents need to keep the line of communication open with everyone involved in the education of your child throughout the school year. If possible, volunteer, join the PTA or just show up at special events and extracurricular activities. Make your presence known.

While entering a new school season with a child with a disability can be nerve-wracking for both the student and the parents, especially if the child is entering school for the first time, using some of these tactics before school begins and throughout the school year can help everyone feel prepared, comfortable and ready for success in the classroom.