Green Flags that I’m Blooming Into my Best Self

I know so many people want to talk about red flags. But what about green flags? Especially green flags in yourself?

If you’re like me, it’s easy to fall into the trap of just nitpicking all of your flaws. Continually adding things to the “list” of stuff you’re working to fix/change/heal in yourself.

“I’m not strong enough, I’m not organized enough, I still let my cousin push my buttons, I can’t get out of my own way when it comes to my health.”

But what about all of your green flags? All of the things that you are doing to work to the best version of yourself? All of the progress and the development you have done? Whether you are working to improve your health, heal your inner child, strengthen your relationship, improve your financial situation–or all of the above–those take some serious action and heavy lifting. And you might be overlooking all of that hard work, growth, and tangible tiny wins!

Here are some signs that you are on the right track to blooming into your most authentic, happiest, healed, and healthy version of yourself!

Setting boundaries.

I can’t not talk about how beneficial boundary setting has been in my life. Whether it’s declining another work project when my plate is already too full, removing a toxic sister-in-law from our lives, or establishing a clear communication framework in my marriage, boundaries allow me to create a solid foundation within my relationships and more importantly, with myself.

By intentionally digging into my feelings, emotions, and needs, I am able to set clear boundaries–and hold them. It may feel icky at first and believe me it takes practice, but I believe you become a better version of yourself when you take ownership of creating an environment where you feel respected, protected, valued, and loved. Learning that boundaries are a way to show others how to do life with you as opposed to setting boundaries to exclude everyone from your life is a huge green flag.

Allow myself to feel all the emotions.

On the journey to my best self, I’ve learned that my best self doesn’t just feel the “good” emotions and ignore all the others ones. Grief, anxiety, fear, anger, rage, sadness, heartbreak all are just as valid feelings as joy, happiness, excitement, and contentment. I’ve learned to acknowledge them and by doing so, taught myself ways to process them instead of bottling them up.

Sometimes that’s something as simple as naming the actual emotion, exploring where that feeling is manifesting in my body, and then practicing meditation to release it. Sometimes it’s a long walk to mentally “coach” myself through the feeling. Sometimes it’s simply a long cry to some angsty 90s music from my high school days in my car. Acknowledging all parts of myself, the good, the bad, and the tear filled, is what makes me human.

Give myself a break.

I bet if I asked you if you are a compassionate person, you would automatically say yes. Because you always treat others with compassion right? Give others the benefit of the doubt? Show up to help others, cheer on others, and build them back up when they make a mistake right?

But…..do you do the same thing for yourself? Do you give yourself compassion? Or when you make a mistake, do you beat yourself up and let your self-limiting beliefs take over?

As I’m “blooming” into my best self, I’m learned that the first person I need to give compassion to is……….me. It didn’t happen over night–I definitely didn’t snap my fingers or sprinkle pixie dust over my head and magically was nicer to myself when I made a mistake. Slowly but surely over time, I’m showing myself the same grace that I give to others. I give myself the same encouragement, kindness, and understanding that I would give to my best friends. I also practice self kindness by holding others accountable for their actions, reminding people when they overstep boundaries, and asking for help when I need it. My best self is able to practice self kindness, honor her authenticity, and adopt a mindfulness based approach to life. You grow girl!

Keep promises to myself.

Full transparency, I will work myself into the ground if it means I can keep a promise to someone else (hello, people pleaser). Need me to show up 5 hours early to blow up 400 balloons for your kid’s birthday party? Done. Need me to drive 20 minutes in the opposite direction so I can pick something up from the health food store for you? Promise, I got it. Need me to drop you off at the airport at 5:30AM? Absolutely. I’ll even bring coffee.

And we all make sacrifices for other people, but I have learned that if I don’t fill my cup up first, I can’t for my partner, my daughter, my friends and family, and my career.

It could be promising myself that I am going to turn my phone off at 8PM every night, or commiting to wake up 15 minutes early to do my red light therapy, or I’m finally going to create a content calendar schedule. Little tiny promises like going to the gym, accomplishing a goal on my to do list, or simply doing what I say I’m going to do re-enforces the idea that I’m keeping a promise to the most important person in my life…….

Me.

The key to this for me is–I set realistic goals for myself. Instead of saying “I’m never going to drink Starbucks again” (um that’s never going to happen) I made a promise that I could only treat myself to it once a week. That goal is definitely doable and when I am able to accomplish keeping the promise to myself ? My trust in myself AND my self confidence can bloom.

Got Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Hot take–I think collectively we’re too focused on being “comfortable.” Oh, snapdragon!

I truly believe that the best parts of life are where you are continually challenging yourself, learning, evolving, and putting yourself into situations where you are a little bit out of your comfort zone.

Could I hit the snooze button, phone it in at work, skip every work out, take the easy way out, and be a smaller version of myself at home? Sure. I absolutely could.

But the real power move is that I can identify things that I want personally, professionally, and romantically and then set out to get them even if there are things in the path that would bring me a bit of discomfort. I face them head on even with the understanding that I might fail (publicly), get rejected, experience some delayed gratification, or even look like a complete moron. I do it because I understand that what matters is that I chase the goals, regardless of the challenge ahead of me.

I tried a kickboxing class even though I have absolutely zero coordination, I took up hand lettering even though I can’t even write in cursive, I ate dinner solo when I felt self-conscious being alone, and I spoke up when someone disrespected my daughter even though they were a close relative. I continually hit repeat on new experiences and challenging my limitations because I know that the real growth is in the practice. And I know, this new, healthy, strong, fierce, healed, best version of me? She “rose” to the occasion.