Raising a child is a wild ride.  One minute, we were bringing her home from the hospital, and now, we’re getting ready to buy her a car. I remember when she couldn’t talk, and now she’s an independent and fierce 15 year old with her own personality and thoughts on life. She’s curious and inquisitive, smart and sarcastic, kind and caring, and wise beyond her years.

When she was a baby, I could keep her in a controlled environment.  In our little bubble, I could decide what she ate, what she watched and more importantly, who we let into that bubble.  But as she has gotten older and gone out into the world, attended school, and interact with others, my ability to shield and protect her dissolves. I am so proud of the fact that she’s independent and more autonomous, but with that, her world moved further out of our reach and control. We desperately want to protect her—her physical safety (obviously) but just as importantly, her emotional well-being. I also hope as she takes these steps out into young adulthood, that she keeps her identity  intact and that she loves herself and all that she is, just as much as we do.

I think one of the most painful aspects of parenting is the harsh reality that our children will feel pain, especially when it’s a pain we’ve gone through ourselves. We remember how the hurt feels and never want them to experience that feeling: disappointment, loss, heartbreak—the trials and tribulations of growing up.

When your child is different from their peers

Then, there’s a separate category altogether: the pain from ignorance or ableism your child might face. This often rears its ugly head if your little one encompasses any sort of “otherness,” which is equal parts heartbreaking and infuriating. Otherness is not celebrated in this country, most often times it’s forgotten or completely disregarded.

Of course, our minds automatically think of race when it comes to this topic, but I think it’s important to remember that there are so many unique differences that children can have. There can be visible differences, such as racial differences or physical disabilities, and less noticeable differences, such as autism or mental disabilities.

How to approach differences

Fostering self-love is just as important as teaching your child their name. Instilling in our children that what makes them different is the most beautiful part of them is imperative to creating an impenetrable foundation of pride in who they are. Differences are our superpowers.  Differences are what makes this world beautifully diverse.

Celebrate differences

Not all children have the same abilities and as parents, we can teach our children about their uniqueness.  Highlight the different abilities that your child has–are they a good problem solver?  Are they kind?  Are they tall/short?  Are they thoughtful?

A good way for this to be demonstrated is by referencing superheroes—they all have their strengths and weaknesses but they look completely different. The Hulk, for example, is bright green (and massive), but with super strength and healing ability, which makes him stand out from the crowd. Differences should be celebrated.

Be intentional and involved

It is important to stay involved and constantly communicate with your child. This goes beyond asking how their day was and really asking about the interactions they’ve had with their peers and teachers and what topics they talk about. The best way to be an advocate and ally to your child is by showing up daily and talking to them about their disability and it’s impact on their life.

I remember every year when Callie start school, going to her class and reading the book “Amputeddy Goes Back to School. ”  In doing so, I was able to make her disability something that the kids could openly ask questions about, the book allowed us to talk through some of the feelings “Teddy” had, and also took some of the pressure off of Callie having to answer questions about her leg.  The Q&A sessions with the kids were really impactful and I loved seeing the types of questions change as she got older.

I highly recommended communicating with your school, the teachers, and the administrators. Find out what they do to help every student feel comfortable, confident, and safe. Attend Board of Education meetings and any district special education meetings if time allows. Always be an advocate for your child (which, of course, goes for all children!).

Teach diversity and inclusivity

Being adamant and hands-on about teaching diversity—in all senses of the word—is the most important responsibility for all parents in my opinion. Expose your children to different groups of people. Make sure you have representation in children’s toys, their books, and the videos they watch. It changes their perspective and allows for an open conversation about differences.  It also helps gain insight into their own thoughts and views about people who do not look like them.  Make diversity of all kinds common in your environment–by doing so, you create the idea that inclusion is normal and that’s the view they will see the world through.  How we talk about disabilities as parents can make a big difference in how our kids think about disabilities.  Are you modeling the same behavior?

How we talk about disabilities as parents can make a big difference in how our kids think about disabilities.

Diversity starts at home. Self-love starts at home. Inclusion starts at home. I know how scary it can feel when your child is the only one who looks like them in their class, but instilling in them the brilliance, boldness, and beauty in what makes them unique will give them confidence and pride in themselves.

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